A Villain Is Introduced

November 9th, 2004 · 2 Comments
by Booksquare

There was a song in our heart when we awoke this morning (“Miss Santa Cruz County”. Cracker). We thought, without a doubt, this would be a normal day. Oh sure, we’d hedged our bets, sending security emails to certain clients, all of whom religiously occupy their desks by eight a.m.. By 9:01, not a single “we need you” email was received. We believed normalcy ruled the day and headed off for yoga. Sure, our teacher tried to kill us, but this was good. We got to meditate on something we wanted to heal and/or improve. We chose writing.

Joy and happiness drove us home. This is good because it’s (and please pardon our French) National Drive Like An Asshole Month. We can only say that those lines on the road are there for a reason. Also, turn signals are helpful.

We’ll skip the grocery store experience, though it fits with our title. We returned home. One client called. It was for the husband. We changed into our pajamas (the joys of consultancy cannot be expressed in a single post), poured a cup of coffee (neither can the joys of a well-insulated carafe), and checked our email.
Things change in two hours. A client responded. We were supposed in their offices by noon (this is a client we’d to whome we’d specifically said, “if you don’t email by eight-thirty, we’ll assume tomorrow”). It was 11:30. We hadn’t showered. Now, sometimes you can fake these things, but, as noted, our yoga teacher tried to kill us. If you’re not working up a sweat attempting unsupported handstands, you’re a better human than us.

This particular day felt almost foolproof. We forgot Kevin. To sum up a complicated relationship (recent revelations revealed our cruel treatment of Kevin due to his unfortunate connections; we were mean, he made up for his bad situation, we wholly embraced him as friend and colleague. Still can’t stand his former boss, but that’s fine with both of us), we are responsible for his current employment situation — we recommended him for his current position. Thus we feel the need to respond when he requests our presence.

Thus, Kevin is an inadvertent villain. Today’s page count was laughable, yesterday’s was within the good range, if one is generous. Kevin’s evil, if we may be so bold, wasn’t that he required our time. This we can handle. It was that it required our mind. Our dinner conversation related to general ledger feeds. Trust us, if you were an author writing for a publisher switching to a new accounting system, you’d say “thank you for making sure nothing is double-charged.” However, if you’re an average human, it’ not the kind of thing you want to discuss over an evening meal. As we thought about the general ledger, all good thoughts of fiction disappeared. Truth being stranger and all that.

Yes, we know, excuses, excuses. But what are we supposed to do, blame the time change?

File Under: Square Pegs

2 responses so far ↓

  • Lorra // Nov 10, 2004 at 8:10 am

    And to think I thought Drive Like an Asshole Month was something that happened every day of the year – Silly Me!
    Since this is the official opening of such a highly anticipated event, I think I needs to get me a little fire power for next time some a…hole cuts me off on the freeway or chucks a Biggie drink out the window of his Ford 150 onto the hood of my car because I dared to merge into his lane.
    Picture this: The nine’s on the seat next to me; the drink splatters on my windshield; – Ooh I like where this is going!

    Thanks for the laugh.

  • booksquare // Nov 10, 2004 at 8:33 am

    Perhaps “month” is a bit of a misnomer. It’s more of a season. While some may practice year-round, it’s like leaving your Christmas lights on the house. Officially, the period begins on November 1 and ends on January 2.