Jill, Meet Tod. He Can Teach You New Obsessive Behaviors

May 25th, 2005 · No Comments
by Booksquare

Jill, we know you’re busy. This makes us sad because we’d rather be spending our days on IM, too. No, of course we’re not going to admit our separation is all our fault. We abandoned you in your moment(s) of need and you turned to a, say it isn’t so, real job to keep you company during those long daylight hours.

We feel especially bad because we know you’re waiting for us to get back to you. And we’re getting right on it. It’s been a long, ugly day. If Mercury is not retrograde, it’s not for lack of trying. But here’s something that will make you feel like a rank beginner in the obsessive-compulsive world. Expect a love letter, also known as helpful commentary on your latest proposal, from us later…

I go through this same maddening process with the next five editors, two of whom are men and who I imagine in the bathroom instead of the bedroom, if only for variety’s sake. By the end of it all, I’m pretty sure I know exactly who will buy my book, how much my advance will be and what I’ll order when we go out to lunch in New York when I’m there on tour this fall.

Meanwhile, if anyone needs me, I’ll be sitting here waiting for the phone to ring.

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