Tools and Craft

‘Cause what is she gonna do? There’s no way she can be here before morning, and by then, we’ll be filled with appropriate remorse and promising to never disobey her again. Besides, we were quite intrigued by this article about endings — something we, strangely, do well. Do not burst our bubble. Usually we have a clear idea of that final line of dialogue or that last joke or something long before we have a clue about the beginning*. That’s not to say we know the climax of the novel — that little aspect is generally a surprise to us. […]

Ray Rhamey works through the idea of compelling openings in the best of all possible ways. Yes, pictures. Not only does he explain the various approaches, but the helpful photographs make it crystal clear. Okay, fine, we couldn’t resist the kittens. We all have our weaknesses. Open your novel with kitty-cats in action

Yes, it’s that talk. The one that makes you squirm and look for an exit. The one where you defiantly announce that you don’t need our help — you’re doing just fine on your own. The one where you say, “That’s not my style. Besides, if Tom Wolfe failed at it, what hope is there for me?” Writers are, by nature, observers. Sex is, by nature, participatory. As evidenced by his rather bizarre language, Wolfe approached his sex scenes from the former perspective. That never works. There are few human experiences that cover the breadth of emotions that sex does:

Those who have been paying attention know that Jill’s book will be released in mere days*. It is the culmination of much hard work and many discussions (voice, IM, email, drives across states we didn’t know existed), and, like any good author, Jill is obsessing about things we don’t fully understand. Not that we’d ever admit this to her — when she discusses sales rankings, we make noises that imply we get it, but we have no clue. What should be a simple popularity contest (ie, based on the actual number of books sold, day in and day out) is

We admit it: we wanted to be a child prodigy. When that didn’t work out (due to a minor disconnect between fantasizing and doing), we entered what some like to call the Real World. Now, anyone who’s spent any time in the Real World knows it is quite different from other worlds (College World, Family World, First Job With Lots of Partying World). Real World comes with things like taxes and messy decisions and disillusionment. It also, helpfully, comes with optimism and perspective. We often wonder how someone who is in their mere twenties (a child!) can write with any

Much to our surprise, more than a few visitors use the Mozilla browser when playing on the Web. Now the rest of you (except the Konqueror users — merely because we admire your pluck), we need to talk. Specifically about tabbed browsing. There is no greater thing of beauty. In a single window, you can have multiple (in our case, well over a dozen on some days) tabs open. Until you’ve experienced the ease and freedom of tabs, you haven’t lived. Links from emails can be opened in the same window; all it takes is a simple setting. Since we

We know…you’re wondering how we’re going to turn a story on pale yellow ink in a cookbook into a cautionary tale for writers. We admit, the task seems daunting at first. After all, it isn’t the author who makes such decisions. That’s what art departments and whatnot are for. One would think authors are off the hook. Except, as all of you know, we expect that you have websites and use them to actively promote yourselves. Your site is, quite possibly, the most important promotional tool you have (barring a lovely six-figure marketing budget). But what if you put a

A long time ago, when we were young and innocent, we temped for a Major Hollywood Producer. Our major duties were to cut radishes and place them in a bowl of water in the office refrigerator (he never ate them, but we snuck more than a few), to carry his shoes from his office to the hallway when the shoeshine dude showed up (which is why we didn’t pursue full-time employment with MHP), and to return unsolicited screenplays unopened. We received very few instructions in the course of our employment, but one was a golden rule: they are not to