Why The Patent Office Needs To Modernize (Or At Least Computerize)

November 6th, 2005 · No Comments
by Booksquare

If you pay attention (and surely you do), you know that the World of Patents is where the strangest and most dangerous battles are fought. Patents are dangerous because they don’t necessarily involve things as much as ideas. You cannot copyright an idea, but you can patent one. Appropriate caveats duly noted.

This plays out all the time in the world of technology: overly broad ideas are patented and held like gold* until someone else builds something similar and makes lots of money. It is especially interesting when the patent is filed long after the technology has been in place.

Now patents are knocking at the door of storytelling. It is unclear whether the patent applicant has actually written a book — but it is clear that he’s trying to apply silly notions to art. His story, which has its antecedents in Rip Van Winkle, goes like this:

. . .A process of relaying a story having a timeline and a unique plot involving characters, comprising: indicating a character’s desire at a first time in said timeline for at least one of the following: a) to remain asleep or unconscious until a particular event occurs; and b) to forget or be substantially unable to recall substantially all events during the time period from said first time until a particular event occurs; indicating said character’s substantial inability at a time after said occurrence of said particular event to recall substantially all events during the time period from said first time to said occurrence of said particular event; and indicating that during said time period said character was an active participant in a plurality of events. [From the patent application]

The United States Patent Office has not yet granted a patent, and we certainly encourage them to look for prior art. We imagine there is much of it. In the meantime, we are polishing up our legalize and working on our our own little story line patent. We like the idea of retiring to a tropical island. As such, the following is officially our idea. Do not steal! Under penalty of cat dander! This means you! And you!

1. A process where a man and woman meet. They do not, initially, like each other, but through a set of circumstances, they discover a mutual attraction. They fight the attraction. In the end, they realize the attraction is true love, and they decide it is better to be together than apart.

2. A process of relaying a story as in claim 1, but a mystery must be solved.

3. A process of relaying a story as in claim 1, but space aliens or vampires are involved.

ktwice – Or completely forgotten until an enterprising lawyer or patent aggregator arrives on scene.

File Under: The Business of Publishing