You’ve heard about expecting the worst and hoping for the best? Authors don’t do that. They expect the worst and then spend time trying to discover how much lower they can go. Trust us when we say that people who devise clever ways to murder other people can go pretty low. Holly Black (who says she’s the Queen of Caffeine, which must mean we are her loyal subject) has offered a few ways to jumpstart your neuroses:
Book not completed by contract date.
Book completed by contract date, but terrible.
Only copy of book blows out of car in friend’s hilarious re-enactment of Wonder Boys.
Editor hates completed book.
Editor loves completed book, except for main character.
Editor loves completed book, except for plot.
Editor takes one look at book and leaves publishing.
And then there’s this old favorite:
Editor hates book, is certain she can write it better. Hatchet job ensues.
after publishing book, everyone loves it but you and editor. . . guess who’s not buying any more of your mss?
wait a sec. That’s an baaaad dependent clause happening there. Should be “After the book is published.”
I’m going to bed.