We are, frankly, still reeling from the idea that Culture will soon be coming to Los Angeles. What next, we worry, sculpture gardens and charades? See, right now, one can safely sit in a public place, reading a book. If Culture appears, people might see the book and attempt to make conversation. You know, talk about the book. The book you are trying to read. There is a better than 50% chance that this conversation will result in the divulging of key plot points or the ending.
We must stop Culture before it stops us. Los Angeles is not emotionally capable of abandoning flip flops. It is our right to wear jeans to every event. If we understand the whole thing, Culture will destroy our beaches. Without the beaches, we become just another coastal dump.
We even find ourselves concerned about the impact Culture will have on the burgeoning California wine industry. Will we be forced to drink heavy reds even as the temperatures flirt with the high nineties? Will Culture dictate that chilled whites cannot be consumed after Labor Day? What about trendy vodkas? They do not stand a chance against Culture. Culture demands quality gin, and that poses a problem for many people.
We have carefully considered this matter and believe we must take a stand. New York can keep its Culture (which includes Judith Regan). Such insanity is not for Los Angeles.
