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There are some who say comedy is a finely honed craft. There are others who suggest it’s innate. And then there are writers, searching for that elusive first line. You know the one. It conveys your story, your brilliance, your ability to grab the reader by the throat and hold on for dear life. That it’s funny is purely unintentional. Or maybe just the fact that you suck at beginnings, but you end really, really well. Editors always like that.

• 2004 Lyttle Lytton Winners: First lines only a mother could love (under duress)